So much to do, but the heat quells the spirit.
Loose ends to die, errands to run, calls to make, yet no desire
The sweat drips off my skin like wet paint.
dripping, down my back in long thin strokes,
I don't want to do anything today,
Maybe I will just sit here and write,
until the day, returns to night.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
the end
when someone you know dies.
it is always sad
you miss the talks. the times you had and suddenly you are reminded.
that despite the commitments:
the bills, the obligations, the milestones, the laughter, and tears.
It can all be gone in an instant.
You were a light. A true light that shined. It radiated from you like the sun itself. It made me want to be a better person, and anyone who knew you wanted to know how to get that light.
I know that you are in a better place, that your life now is far better than it ever was here,
I know you are in a better place with angels surrounding you.
a place of laughter, of happiness, a place with more light than even you could give.
And no one deserves it more than you.
it is always sad
you miss the talks. the times you had and suddenly you are reminded.
that despite the commitments:
the bills, the obligations, the milestones, the laughter, and tears.
It can all be gone in an instant.
You were a light. A true light that shined. It radiated from you like the sun itself. It made me want to be a better person, and anyone who knew you wanted to know how to get that light.
I know that you are in a better place, that your life now is far better than it ever was here,
I know you are in a better place with angels surrounding you.
a place of laughter, of happiness, a place with more light than even you could give.
And no one deserves it more than you.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
All because of what he said...
He told her.
and she LEAPT for JOY!
ME! ME! How could this BE!
She smiled the loudest smile she had, the one with all the teeth and the waves and waves of
pleasure
happiness
awe
euphoria
AND
she put her hands down from over her head and she sighed, the biggest sigh she could muster.
The one that let out all the pain,
all the hurt,
all the residual memories that plagued her.
She looked at her own reflection and said
YOU! YOU! YOU deserve this my darling! You have earned this a thousand times over. Wash your face and put on that dress you have, for you are beautiful!
and then she made PLANS!
she dusted off the dreams she had left broken on the floor of her wounded youth. She dusted them off and she put them on the wall right next to the picture of her pretty face and her healing heart, and the one of the flower, plucked to the last bud.
She closed her eyes and smelled the air, she listened to the silence. It would be a memory she would never let
get any further than the front of her mind.
and all of this she did,
because he told her
I LOVE YOU. (and she knew he meant it)
and she LEAPT for JOY!
ME! ME! How could this BE!
She smiled the loudest smile she had, the one with all the teeth and the waves and waves of
pleasure
happiness
awe
euphoria
AND
she put her hands down from over her head and she sighed, the biggest sigh she could muster.
The one that let out all the pain,
all the hurt,
all the residual memories that plagued her.
She looked at her own reflection and said
YOU! YOU! YOU deserve this my darling! You have earned this a thousand times over. Wash your face and put on that dress you have, for you are beautiful!
and then she made PLANS!
she dusted off the dreams she had left broken on the floor of her wounded youth. She dusted them off and she put them on the wall right next to the picture of her pretty face and her healing heart, and the one of the flower, plucked to the last bud.
She closed her eyes and smelled the air, she listened to the silence. It would be a memory she would never let
get any further than the front of her mind.
and all of this she did,
because he told her
I LOVE YOU. (and she knew he meant it)
tug of war
what do you say to someone who has come
into your life like water to a stream?
what do you do when everything he's done
seems like its coming to you in a dream
the more you try to shy and hide away
the more his presence seems to trickle in
and though you fight to keep his arms at bay
they melt you when they lightly graze your skin
the easy fix would be to just concede
give up the war and let him deep inside
although you aren't sure where this path will lead
he has your heart, relinquish now your pride
And yet you choose to play this game until
you finally surrender to his will.
into your life like water to a stream?
what do you do when everything he's done
seems like its coming to you in a dream
the more you try to shy and hide away
the more his presence seems to trickle in
and though you fight to keep his arms at bay
they melt you when they lightly graze your skin
the easy fix would be to just concede
give up the war and let him deep inside
although you aren't sure where this path will lead
he has your heart, relinquish now your pride
And yet you choose to play this game until
you finally surrender to his will.
The acceptance of excellence
how odd,
far to often we seek perfection
and yet when we find it within ourselves, however fleeting
we reject it.
We'd rather walk through fire, endure pain beyond fathom,
then simply acknowledge our own worth.
Why is this so?
Are we afraid that in giving the self some ounce of undue credit, we might topple the axis the very earth balances apon?
Do we fear the result of feeling so proud of ourselves that we strive to do more to better ourselves and better the lives of others?
Or perhaps that in appreciating ourselves, we leave ourselves unable to appreciate the good we see in others? In the world?
None of this is true.
Instead we must.
For once and FOR ALL
begin to be proud of ourselves.
I am strong,
I am good,
I am worthy of the love of others and I am worthy of the love of MYSELF!!
I deserve to be happy, and I am proud of the person I have become.
far to often we seek perfection
and yet when we find it within ourselves, however fleeting
we reject it.
We'd rather walk through fire, endure pain beyond fathom,
then simply acknowledge our own worth.
Why is this so?
Are we afraid that in giving the self some ounce of undue credit, we might topple the axis the very earth balances apon?
Do we fear the result of feeling so proud of ourselves that we strive to do more to better ourselves and better the lives of others?
Or perhaps that in appreciating ourselves, we leave ourselves unable to appreciate the good we see in others? In the world?
None of this is true.
Instead we must.
For once and FOR ALL
begin to be proud of ourselves.
I am strong,
I am good,
I am worthy of the love of others and I am worthy of the love of MYSELF!!
I deserve to be happy, and I am proud of the person I have become.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
It feels like today
I awoke with a heavy heart. Money troubles, sadness. Not exactly sure what perpetuated it. The weather today is aweful, and I barely slept. Yet somehow, I am hopeful of what this day will bring. And the days to come.
I have found myself, somewhere underneath all of this rubble of distruction and pain, and self doubt and loathing, I have found myself. I have been here all along. There is nothing and no one who can fulfill me, save myself.
I must SAVE myself.
I have found myself, somewhere underneath all of this rubble of distruction and pain, and self doubt and loathing, I have found myself. I have been here all along. There is nothing and no one who can fulfill me, save myself.
I must SAVE myself.
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