He told her.
and she LEAPT for JOY!
ME! ME! How could this BE!
She smiled the loudest smile she had, the one with all the teeth and the waves and waves of
pleasure
happiness
awe
euphoria
AND
she put her hands down from over her head and she sighed, the biggest sigh she could muster.
The one that let out all the pain,
all the hurt,
all the residual memories that plagued her.
She looked at her own reflection and said
YOU! YOU! YOU deserve this my darling! You have earned this a thousand times over. Wash your face and put on that dress you have, for you are beautiful!
and then she made PLANS!
she dusted off the dreams she had left broken on the floor of her wounded youth. She dusted them off and she put them on the wall right next to the picture of her pretty face and her healing heart, and the one of the flower, plucked to the last bud.
She closed her eyes and smelled the air, she listened to the silence. It would be a memory she would never let
get any further than the front of her mind.
and all of this she did,
because he told her
I LOVE YOU. (and she knew he meant it)
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
tug of war
what do you say to someone who has come
into your life like water to a stream?
what do you do when everything he's done
seems like its coming to you in a dream
the more you try to shy and hide away
the more his presence seems to trickle in
and though you fight to keep his arms at bay
they melt you when they lightly graze your skin
the easy fix would be to just concede
give up the war and let him deep inside
although you aren't sure where this path will lead
he has your heart, relinquish now your pride
And yet you choose to play this game until
you finally surrender to his will.
into your life like water to a stream?
what do you do when everything he's done
seems like its coming to you in a dream
the more you try to shy and hide away
the more his presence seems to trickle in
and though you fight to keep his arms at bay
they melt you when they lightly graze your skin
the easy fix would be to just concede
give up the war and let him deep inside
although you aren't sure where this path will lead
he has your heart, relinquish now your pride
And yet you choose to play this game until
you finally surrender to his will.
The acceptance of excellence
how odd,
far to often we seek perfection
and yet when we find it within ourselves, however fleeting
we reject it.
We'd rather walk through fire, endure pain beyond fathom,
then simply acknowledge our own worth.
Why is this so?
Are we afraid that in giving the self some ounce of undue credit, we might topple the axis the very earth balances apon?
Do we fear the result of feeling so proud of ourselves that we strive to do more to better ourselves and better the lives of others?
Or perhaps that in appreciating ourselves, we leave ourselves unable to appreciate the good we see in others? In the world?
None of this is true.
Instead we must.
For once and FOR ALL
begin to be proud of ourselves.
I am strong,
I am good,
I am worthy of the love of others and I am worthy of the love of MYSELF!!
I deserve to be happy, and I am proud of the person I have become.
far to often we seek perfection
and yet when we find it within ourselves, however fleeting
we reject it.
We'd rather walk through fire, endure pain beyond fathom,
then simply acknowledge our own worth.
Why is this so?
Are we afraid that in giving the self some ounce of undue credit, we might topple the axis the very earth balances apon?
Do we fear the result of feeling so proud of ourselves that we strive to do more to better ourselves and better the lives of others?
Or perhaps that in appreciating ourselves, we leave ourselves unable to appreciate the good we see in others? In the world?
None of this is true.
Instead we must.
For once and FOR ALL
begin to be proud of ourselves.
I am strong,
I am good,
I am worthy of the love of others and I am worthy of the love of MYSELF!!
I deserve to be happy, and I am proud of the person I have become.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
It feels like today
I awoke with a heavy heart. Money troubles, sadness. Not exactly sure what perpetuated it. The weather today is aweful, and I barely slept. Yet somehow, I am hopeful of what this day will bring. And the days to come.
I have found myself, somewhere underneath all of this rubble of distruction and pain, and self doubt and loathing, I have found myself. I have been here all along. There is nothing and no one who can fulfill me, save myself.
I must SAVE myself.
I have found myself, somewhere underneath all of this rubble of distruction and pain, and self doubt and loathing, I have found myself. I have been here all along. There is nothing and no one who can fulfill me, save myself.
I must SAVE myself.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Baby Steps
At first. It seems like everything is going perfect. That it won't take any time at all to fix what took you so little time to mess up.
Then as time goes on, you realize, that the pain you caused runs so deep, that it will take more effort than you have ever exerted on anything, to even get back to neutral.
But it can't all come at once. You can't burn someone alive and then just throw them into a tub of ice. It doesn't work like that.
Each time, it hurts a little less, and then before you know it starts to get better.
But you must take baby steps.
Then as time goes on, you realize, that the pain you caused runs so deep, that it will take more effort than you have ever exerted on anything, to even get back to neutral.
But it can't all come at once. You can't burn someone alive and then just throw them into a tub of ice. It doesn't work like that.
Each time, it hurts a little less, and then before you know it starts to get better.
But you must take baby steps.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Rock Bottom
Sometimes, when you hit rock bottom, you almost don't feel so bad,
because now that you are there, you know it can't get any worse.
Things, are definately the way they seem, and although they are bad, at least you know they are.
The things that you feared for so long, have come to fruition, and despite all of this, you are still alive, breathing; if only barely.
It will take an immense amount of introspection and self reflection to get your life back the way it was when it was good. When you didn't know how good you had it.
But if anyone can do it, YOU CAN!
because now that you are there, you know it can't get any worse.
Things, are definately the way they seem, and although they are bad, at least you know they are.
The things that you feared for so long, have come to fruition, and despite all of this, you are still alive, breathing; if only barely.
It will take an immense amount of introspection and self reflection to get your life back the way it was when it was good. When you didn't know how good you had it.
But if anyone can do it, YOU CAN!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)