Heartsick

I wake too early.
The aching in my stomach threatens to tear me apart.
There is no release, nothing can stop this pain.
My cheeks are chafed from all the crying I have done.

I wish so desperately for sleep, for anything to numb me, if only for a minute.
Everywhere I turn are memories, thoughts of a time when I was the only thing in his world.
Now, I am not even part of his world.

I know, or rather, I must believe, that somehow I will forget him.
That I will find new love and that love will be better than any I have ever known.
I have to believe that.
And yet, I can't.

Because all I want is him.
His smile, his touch, his arms around me.
And I know I can not have that.
And it makes me heartsick.